Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
