Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
