There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
