What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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