I can tuck mytits in my pants
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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