He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
