Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i believe in u and ur pee
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
