im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
