Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
