dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
