STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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