there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
