I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
