Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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