happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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