yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
