if i can run in heels then i can drive
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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