Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
