I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
