My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
