Banned from zoo.
Again?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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