and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
