you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
