yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
