That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
