why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
