Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
