just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
