We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My penis needs a shock collar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize