I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
