hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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