I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
