I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my poor anus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
