If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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