i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
