Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
