Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
