you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
