party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
