Plan B is the new Plan A
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
