I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
