I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
