Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
