I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
