Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
