buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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