Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
