OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
