you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
