Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
