I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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