I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
