i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
