Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
