i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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