after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
