just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
