I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
