Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
