In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
