Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize