I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
