I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
