her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize