Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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