Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
pray to the hookup gods
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
