she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
