Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize