you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
