I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
