Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
