I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
