I'm so fucking centered right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
