So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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